Parenting

How to raise children is a common question that parents ask themselves and reflect upon, they try to find an answer to what the duties are of a parent towards their child, and different parents have different parenting styles and methods. Depending upon what they think is best for their child, also depends on their background. Parenting is a difficult thing; you have to make difficult choices for how to raise good children? This is a difficult question, regardless of the race and color and culture. Every parent desires their children to be the best in society, and to make a name for themselves and their families. Pakistani parents in Pakistan want their children to succeed as much as Italian parents do in Italy, but its not easy. Parenting is not easy, it is not supposed to be easy, if it was easy then it would not carry that much reward, but if parenting was harder for Pakistanis in Pakistan, then it just becomes double the work for us Pakistanis here in Italy. It is difficult when you have a different background with respect to the place you live in, and that is the case with our parents who live in Europe, but we are Asians who live in Christian world. Yet, belong to Islamic culture who wants to blend in yet, not lose their color and who wants to mix in, but still maintain their identity. Who wants to teach their children the norms of modern western society, but also the amazing eastern values which are absent in west, who want to have the best of both worlds. How can we raise good children who love that “home” country as much as this one? Who are culturally educated , who carry eastern values and western modernity and confidence, who are proud of their nation and their religion but how? Well there is no magical formula to this problem. However, there are some sets of rules that if followed we can have the results that we desire for our children, but there is one reality that we just have to accept; that we cannot control what a person grows to become Quran says: “only Allah knows what is in the womb” here Allah is not talking whether its a male or a female in the womb, because science can not tell you if its a male or a female before birth Allah almighty is talking about what kind of a person this unborn child will grow up to become, whether he is bring honor to family or disgrace, whether he will become a good person or bad, whether he is from the ashabul maimana, people of the right hand or the ashabul mashama. people of the left hand. So, all parents can do is to do their job to the best of their ability, follow the set of rules and do their duty with loyalty and sincerity. Pray that their child raises the family name, but a reality we have to accept is that only Allah knows what a child becomes and we have no control over fate of this matter..every soul is responsible for their actions. Every soul will be held accountable for its deeds, disbelievers have been born many times in house of prophets surely, we cannot expect ourselves to be better parents than a prophet of Allah, but we have the oppertunity to give our child a chance to have a good life. We have a chance to teach our child, we have a chance to raise him or her in a good way, we can pray like hazrat Zackariah prayed, and hope for a yahya. We still have a chance, we can not control what destiny and fate have in store for us and our children, but what we can do is to at least try to give our children a chance. What we can do; do our duty to the best of our ability, what we can do is make valid effort. You may think that there is paradise under mothers feet, because she bore you in her belly for nine months and gave birth to you under pain and suffers for you, but the fact of the matter is there is heaven under her feet because she is the first teacher of a child. She has the first chance and ability to teach her child the best of everything, she is his first teacher, hence she has the most responsibility, she has the opportunity to save or ruin a new life.Her real work begins after the birth of the child and not before, as is thought by vast majority of people, and she has gotten this height and status not because she gave birth to great children, but because she raised up great children. In modern scientific society babies can be birthed by machines by combining the sperms and ovules, but that doest mean heaven is under the legs of the machine, giving birth is not the achievement, raising a child is the achievement of a woman and thats the thing which earns her such high place. Creation is not the biggest achievement, sustaining it is the real achievement and maintaining is the real achievement. Thats why our Allah is not only a creator but also the sustainer, the maintainer. A mother is the one who spends most time with a child in his or her early years, so she has the most influence on him, whether a good or bad influence, depends on the mother, but if she does her duty well and holds up to her high status and raises a good child, then she has done her duty well, and hence is rewarded. While if she fails to do her duty, then she will be held accountable for that, but women alone cannot do their job. They need support all those males who think that its only duty of the mother to raise a child. They cannot be more wrong, women can not raise a child alone, women and men both are together in this. Hazrat Adam could not alone raise children, he needed Eve and Allah knew that, Allah created women to be equal companions of men and after marriage they are together in everything, including parenting. A father has an important role in the life of a child, if a mother influences her child, so does the father. The relationship of a father and mother and their behavior to each other is very important in the raising of a child. A child learns from what he or she sees, a child tries to copy and becomes what he sees. So, we are the examples for our children, the question we need to ask is; what kind of example do we want to become for our children? Lead by example is the moto that we are to follow if we want our children to succeed and become good in society, then we have to set a good example. However, we can only set good example if we ourselves are good but, if we lie we cannot expect our child to not lie. If we smoke, we cannot expect our child to not smoke, and we cannot expect him to tell us that he smokes, because we have also taught him to lie too. So, the question one needs to ask is what kind of example we want to become for our children and thats a general question and the answer can vary from person to person. For example a Catholic Christian parent would want their children to be good Christians. Hence, they would themselves become good Christians before they can teach their child, they would themselves set the example of a good Christian, so that the child learns what he see. In the same way we have to ask ourselves what do we want our children to learn and follow and become? A good Pakistani? Good Muslim? A good person? An Italian? A Pakistani Italian? A Pakistani Italian Muslim? A good Pakistani Italian Muslim? We have to choose and decide and then we ourselves have to become what we want our children to be. Gandhi said: “be the change you want to see in the world” So, we have to be good people for our children to follow in our footsteps, we have to be good Muslims, we have to be good Pakistanis, we have to become what we want our children to be. You can not do yourself what you do not want your child to do. There is a reason why munafiqeen(hypocrites) are condemned in Quran, because they did not do what they preached. Do not be munafiqs(hypocrite), set an example for your children. What example? That is entirely your own choice.

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About dgenxali

I am just a simple guy who loves to write..write about life, love, friends, hobbies, interests, experiences and poems..

Posted on April 26, 2011, in Life and Experiences and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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