It’s an empty room, like an empty heart,
Without a view, a window, an aimless dark,
How things get so entangled and confusing, all alone,
One minute at the top of the world, next minute it’s all gone,
This hole in the heart, this nothingness, nothing to fill that void,
Need for the escape from reality, an alternate verse, a passing memory like an asteroid,
Traveling through time and space, the demons of past, I must face,
The battle is never ending, the unnumbered tear, must I vanish without a trace,
I can make it or I can’t, I want to make it or not,
I am defeated, lost, broken, hurt, injured, all the battled I fought,
My purpose of life gone, my meaning of life in question, my soul reaped,
My eyes watering, my heart pacing, my life swirling, my thoughts deep,
Happiness became but a distant memory, her face hard to recall, and her smile,
Her smile, her eyes beautiful as Nile, in them I traveled a million mile,
In the dark of night, this haunting begins, the daunting concerns,
A lost soul returns, the fire burns, a broken heart that yearns.
I am lost, wandering in this web of lies,
Nobody knows me or hears my cries,
My goals are vague, my story tragic,
My dreams are of a world full of magic,
I dug myself in this hole, there’s no escape,
This life is without a structure or shape,
So many paths and so many choices,
Entrenched in this mist, so many voices,
Opportunities squandered and lost,
Deep in debt, I cannot pay this cost,
In this darkness, I cannot see a way out,
Mute in this dungeon, I cannot shout,
My pride will be the end of me,
They can’t help, if they can’t see,
Burried in my woes, punished for the crime,
Smoking my life away, one puff at a time,
My words and rhymes are all I have left,
My eyes filled with tears, alone I wept,
I am lost, wandering in this web of lies,
Nobody cares, nobody even tries.
Your eyes, deep, sexy and green,
You were in the last year of teen,
Your voice was music to my ear,
You were far, yet always so near,
So started this journey of you and me,
A gamble with fates and our destiny,
Many differences were overcome, compromises made,
It seemed like our love would just never fade,
The long Skype calls, the pleasure of sleepless night,
The joy, the happiness, the kisses, hugs tight,
But retrospectively everything looks nice,
There were many troubles in that paradise,
A strong heart but many times you broke it,
I believed the lies when you spoke it,
The sleepless nights were often spent crying,
When you didn’t reply me, I kept trying,
Like a lost puppy I kept coming back,
And the basic human intelligence you lack,
You made me feel miserable at times,
Maybe a twisted joke for your father’s crimes,
And the times when you would ignore me,
Broke me inside out, not even restore me,
Fighting with you, day and night,
Drenched in darkness without a light,
I lie in my poems about a fairy tale,
Being with you was torture but I didn’t bail,
That time when I called you and you passed the phone to your cousin,
You stood by laughing when he abused me for no reason,
And the time when you slept in arms of a friend,
Your betrayals started then and continued till the end,
All the money I wasted on the gifts I sent,
You stayed with me until I paid your rent,
And then you saw another man with money,
And you pursued him, being sweeter then honey,
You forgot four years of thick and thin,
You broken the promises for a temporary win,
You forgot the times I did save you,
And all your lies that I forgave you,
So here is a last goodbye, you’re gone,
It took me a while, but I finally moved on.
When love was in the air,
You smiled without a care,
And you were happy and gay,
You thought she was here to stay,
And the world was turning right,
When you finally held her tight,
You looked into her eyes green,
She was your princess, your queen,
The fire of love burnt hot,
And you wanted to tie the knot,
But then love was gone from air,
She betrayed you without a care,
And you were sad and cried,
You couldn’t forgive her even if you tried,
And the world stopped turning,
The fire stopped burning,
She was no princess, no queen,
Just a characterless girl in her tween,
You weren’t able to tie the knot,
You let her free bit forgot her not,
Now oxygen is in the air,
With some pollution also there,
And you are happy and gay,
You see the world and it’s shades of grey,
Your mind expands day and night,
You talk of multiverses and galaxies bright,
Thinking of all the places you’ve been,
Wondering, “what does it all mean?”,
Found the answers I sought,
“It’s about the journey, forget it not”
From the verse of dreams I woke up,
Into reality, crying and all choked up,
With tears running down my face,
My thoughts graced with her face,
I hate her, I love her,,
I hate that I still love her,
Then the ego took over,
Its broken, unfixable, its over,
But these dreams are never ending,
What could’ve been my happy ending.
You may think you do, but you dont,
Know me, who I am and who I’m not,
Person you know is but an illusion,
Dont pretend to escape this dillusion,
This is my creation, my design,
An enigma you cannot define,
But don’t you dare think that I am lost and living a lie,
You will never understand me no matter how hard you try,
But this is how it’s supposed to be,
Trust me you do not want to know me,
You won’t be able to handle this reality,
I am eminence and this my cult of personality,
I am just not your typical good guy,
There is more to me then getting high,
But I don’t care to explain myself to you,
Your perception of me is not true,
You are free to believe what you want,
Happy sometimes, life is sometimes gaunt,
I stand in front of you in living colors,
Honest to the core, clearing blurs,
It’s not your place to judge me,
You do not know anything about me,
You do not know what I have been through,
You dont really want to know the truth, do you?
There was once a happy guy,
a nice guy, hence not a crappy guy,
who fell in love with a beautiful girl,
a dutyful girl, her hair in curl,
Her smile made him smile,
Her unique style, eyes deeper then nile,
They kissed eachother, missed eachother,
Day and night, gay and bright,
In eachothers sight, their lives changed,
Feelings of love, blessings from above,
They planned their future life,
As husband and wife,
The summer of joy,
They became the reason of life,
In season of joy,
A younger girl, an older boy,
Deeper then deepest oceans, taller then the tallest mountain,
The immortal love reigns,
Spreading joy and no pain,
They went to mountains tall and wide,
No one to see them, no rules to abide,
With god of love on their side,
They accepted their fate,
Became eachothers mate,
They married eachother,
Through thick and thin, carried eachother,
He built a small house for her, a spouse to her
He wrote about her, thought about her,
She inspired him, desired him,
Admired him, they grew together,
But then changed the weather,
The winds of winter came,
Extinguished their flame,
Killed their desire,
To hold on, killed the fire,
She betrayed him with no mercy,
Wounded him for world to see,
His trust broke, a hurt bloke,
From the dream he woke,
Into reality and it’s brutality,
The fairy tale came to its finality,
His dreams shattered, his heart battered,
He was fool to think he mattered,
A cursed soul wandering about,
Drenched in so much pain and doubt,
He slept around and started drinking,
Did terrible things without thinking,
His life began spiraling down,
In hurtsville and disaster town,
Then something happened, he took control,
Right back from the edge, he began to roll,
The experience forever changed him,
Absent love, a reaping grim,
A spec of former self, a shade,
Refusing to give up and fade.
So now you know my story,
Reality of life with no glory.
Why do we put ourselves up for rejection?
Why can we never see the deception?
Why do we choose to become the fools again?
Why be fooled by lost love, why do we suffer the pain?
What pushes us to change the way it ended?
Why collect the pieces which can’t be mended?
Why do we feel the need to change our past?
Why continue something which won’t last?
Why think of the times long gone?
Why live in agony and moan?
Why question your destiny, your fate?
Just let go, let it go, forget, forgive, rise above hate.
Why why why why why why?
Why do we choose to do wrong? Why?
Why does wrong feel so right? Why?
What makes wrong, wrong?
Why do we stay where we dont belong? Why?
Why do we sin? Why?
Why do we never win? Why?
Why do we make mistakes? Why?
Why cant we do what it takes? Why?
Where is the limit? Where?
Why cant we end it? Why?
Why do ourselves harm? Why?
Why do we have a deadly charm? Why?
What do we gain? What?
Why suffer in pain? Why?
Why go down a destructive path? Why?
Why enter in lava to take a bath? Why?
Why smoke to get high? Why?
Why when we cant fly? Why?
Why not stop and try? Why?
Why choose to die? Why?
Why not see wrong and right? Why?
Why be darkness when day is bright? Why?
Why linger on earth when there is a sky? Why?
Why stand in silence when life passes by? Why?
Why give in to addictions? Why?
Why keep these self inflictions? Why?
Why get wet under the rain? Why?
Why repeat the same mistakes again? Why?
Why not learn a lesson? Why?
Why not make a confession? Why?
Why refuse the help and deny? Why?
Why think the end is nigh? Why?
Why do we have pleasure in pain? Why?
Why cross limits and not abstrain? Why?
Why have no desire for wealth? Why?
Why make efforts to destroy our health? Why?
Why have a death wish? Why?
Why live in a skirmish? Why?
Why are you alive? Why?
Why should you survive? Why?
When will it end and why? Why?
When will I just shut up and die? Die!
I used to be an innocent child,
timid, shy, fearful of the wild,
Always lost in my own world, a dreamer,
Afraid of the night, darkness, a screamer,
Always playing with toys, making my story,
Toy soldiers in war, fighting for honor and glory,
Then my world began to turn,
Amazed by science, I began to learn,
Meeting people from around the world opened my mind,
I started my pursuit of happiness, never looking behind,
Aspiring for greatness, I departed,
To complete the drawing I started,
Not to just survive the life but actually live it,
Not to just take from the world but give it,
To appreciate the architect, the Great Creator,
To put my thoughts on paper, to be a sub-creator,
Then my mind began the singing, in prose and poems,
Stories and characters developed and I gave them names,
Not knowing if anyone would bother to read them,
My fantasies and my stories, I began to need them,
They became a source of refuge, my peace,
My escape, my happy place, my release,
Will my story have a happy ending?
I took the test but the result is pending,
I used to be an innocent child,
Faced my fears and embraced the wild.