Blog Archives

1- Thought Battle

Here we go. Another journey is about to begin. The same excitement, the same rush but still a familiarity of the paths that lay ahead. As I sit here in the waiting area, waiting for the gates to open, the memories of my last trip come rushing through my head. I have often described that experience as a big life changing event. There was a me before that trip and there was another me after it. Who knows what experiences await me this time around. Memories, memories are tricky, we remember what we want to, often we remember things different than the actuality of the events. I wonder if my memories are but a fairy tale, concocted by my mind, to ease the events that followed. Maybe that’s how I want things to be remembered, remember the good and forget the bad. But does it matter? Does it matter if my memories are true or false? Does it really matter?
I don’t think it matters. In this short life, why dwell on the bad. Why not remember things as you would have wanted things to go. Reality is overrated, so why not create your own fairy tale in your head. Why not live in fantasies of your own creation. Why not just remember the good parts.
I think it matter. The bad experiences are lessons taught by life. By forgetting them, you could forget the lesson and make same mistakes. Reality is not overrated, because in fantasies you’re always the winner, always the hero. The White Knight of your own stories, your own creation. Why forget what hurt you.
Contradictions, conflicting thoughts, the battle of ideas, the war between the two sides. Thus is my life and always has been, sometimes naive, living in fantasy, sometimes a realist, trying to make sense of it all. I guess I fall in the middle road because I understand the appeal of both sides. I can’t blame someone or myself for remember the fantastical version of my experiences, but I just can’t forget the reality of the events that shaped my life and the lessons learnt, my trials by fire, which moulded the person I am today.
So here’s to another adventure, another journey, a new experience, to new memories. Cheers!

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Just Enough

May i have enough to get by,
To smoke herb and get high,

 

To visit other dimensions and fly,
To rise up, rebel and defy,

 

These people in power who deny,
These people with suit and tie,

 

Who make us suffer and cry,
Now their end is nigh,

 

Time for them to suffer and die,
A freedom  you cannot buy,

 

No matter how hard you try,
They will never understand you and I,
I am anything but an ordinary guy,

 

I had dreams which were shattered and broken,
But I finally broke my silence and have spoken,

 

I listened to my mind and was free,
I appear to you here but I live in Bree,

 

Or some other fantacy land,
Dgenxali is my identity, my brand,

 

I am the singer, the guitarist, the drummer, the whole fucking band,
No matter how many times you throw me down, I always rise up and stand,

 

Dont be fooled by my greetings and smiles,
I have lived hundred lives and ran thousand miles,

 

I just want enough to take care,
Of my parents who have always been there,

 

And of my brother who studies hard,
Whose hard work will have a reward,

 

I just want enough to serve my country and make it proud,
To shine light on it and it’s talented crowd,

 

Punjab, the land of five rivers is my mother,
The Sindhi, Balochi, Pakhtoon is my brother,

 

I just want enough to make this world a happy place,
To make it a paradise for people of every race,

 

To fight and make extinct the racism,
The nationalism, the nazism, the fascism,

 

I just want enough to look in God’s face,
To praise him, to love him, to be in His grace,

 

I just want enough to get by,
To live in peace, and in peace die.

Words

Words. Their power is undeniable. The impact that they can have on our lives,  our decisions, our relationships,  our day to day encounters is unmistakable. They make or break relationships,  especially the fragile ones. Relationships are fragile,  even the ones we think will never end and are Eternal and will go on forever. Words have the power to destroy and to create. But creating is difficult. You can spend all your life building a relationship and with some words it can end. The whole journey comes to a stop. It ends. You can try to take back your words,  rethink them, apologize, but what’s broken is broken, it can never be fully mended,  it will always carry the scars, the cracks. No matter how much you try to mend them,  the hurt of words is a grave wound. Sometimes you can’t go back no matter how much you wish you could. People often think that the only fragile relationships are the one between a guy and a girl, a couple, boy friend and girl friend. But those are not the only kind of fragile relationships. Sometimes even the immortal friendships you have with your friends of lifetimes can end with the sword of words. And even the eternal relationships like your parents can become complicated by the mortal web of words. And you are stuck in present,  this venomous poisonous weaving web, you can’t go back. Relationships become diluted, feelings hurt and egos win. You are never the same again. Becoming estranged with people who have spent your life with is not a feeling you wish even on your enemy. But there is a reason behind everything,  the words uttered are not always meaningless. Sometimes they are needed,  sometimes you need to speak for yourself,  to defend yourself from attacks,  attacks on your character, your personality,  on you as a human being. When you are accused, judged, made fun of,  insulted, mocked, laughed at.
Is it not right to express your anger? So what would one do in such situation? Just accept the consequences and move on, stop caring, accept estrangement, shed a tear alone, live with it? Or you keep trying to mend it,  to save it, to apologize,  to talk and to resolve?
I don’t know the answer but the choice is yours.

Find Her Gone

Been thinking so much and doing so little,
I am happy with life and not being bitter,  

The challenges that come, I face them head on,
People who leave, just do not belong,  

But life is so short, you can do no wrong,
Don’t live with regrets, just smile and move on,  

All the experiences, the flirts,
the choices, the voices, the hurts,
You can pick up the pen and make a song,  

Then you sing it for you, for her,  for them,
And fill the night sky with every gem,
To live and love and show them you’re strong,  

She smiles and takes your breath away,
You think of her in night and day,
Only to wake and find her gone.

A Dream and Blue Sun

It was a cool spring night, he was walking back home from his uncles house..He had a great time there, he ate dinner, met relatives, played with his cousins, chatted, had discussions, showed off his knowledge..It was a great evening..Everything was great..everything was perfect..he was happy..very happy..when he said his good bye to them and started walking towards his home..he gazed towards the sky and saw the moon and admired her beauty..her scared, yet beautiful white face, he kept looking at her and smiled..he was on a high..but not from any drug..he was high from the good feelings..from the good time..from the beauty of the moon..life was great..he took out his phone and sent a beautiful message to his friend..she was so happy to get that message..that made him cry with joy..bringing others joy made him most happy..he also sent another message, an audio message to his long distance love, girl of his life..but she didn’t reply him..he did not mind..he gazed back at the moon and danced a bit..he was singing now..singing about the moon..then a sudden sound of horn, a flash of light and he opened his eyes..

This is not the first time he had that dream..What was so special about that night, he kept thinking..He got up and lit a candle, drank from what water was left in the bottle besides his sleeping place..The blue light from the morning sun was starting to appear in the sky as he looked out of his window..He put on his vest, put bullets in his guns, put small daggers in his boots and picked up the sword..He could not stay here much longer..He had to find a new place..He put on a sun-block and sun-glasses before going out..
He was very cautious, he didn’t want to draw any attention to himself..He needed to go north, where he hid his food..The street was empty, the blue light of the sun was too bright and the heat unbearable..He passed by the old football ground..he finally reached the fountain park..He started digging..He kept looking around making sure that he was not being followed or watched..He hoped that nobody had stole those pills..Finally he found them where he had hid them..He took two boxes and left the rest of them there for another time..He turn around, glancing at his uncles old house..thinking about his dream..He smiled and turned and walked away, looking for a new place to hide………….

-Ali