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Yearning

It’s an empty room, like an empty heart,
Without a view,  a window, an aimless dark,

How things get so entangled and confusing, all alone,
One minute at the top of the world, next minute it’s all gone,

This hole in the heart,  this nothingness, nothing to fill that void,
Need for the escape from reality, an alternate verse, a passing memory like an asteroid,

Traveling through time and space, the demons of past, I must face,
The battle is never ending, the unnumbered tear, must I vanish without a trace,

I can make it or I can’t,  I want to make it or not,
I am defeated,  lost, broken, hurt, injured,  all the battled I fought,  

My purpose of life gone,  my meaning of life in question,  my soul reaped,
My eyes watering, my heart pacing,  my life swirling, my thoughts deep,  

Happiness became but a distant memory, her face hard to recall, and her smile,
Her smile, her eyes beautiful as Nile, in them I traveled a million mile,

In the dark of night, this haunting begins,  the daunting concerns,
A lost soul returns,  the fire burns, a broken heart that yearns.

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Find Her Gone

Been thinking so much and doing so little,
I am happy with life and not being bitter,  

The challenges that come, I face them head on,
People who leave, just do not belong,  

But life is so short, you can do no wrong,
Don’t live with regrets, just smile and move on,  

All the experiences, the flirts,
the choices, the voices, the hurts,
You can pick up the pen and make a song,  

Then you sing it for you, for her,  for them,
And fill the night sky with every gem,
To live and love and show them you’re strong,  

She smiles and takes your breath away,
You think of her in night and day,
Only to wake and find her gone.

Life

Life is a mystery and I am curious,  an observer.  Looking around,  up and down,  every face tells a different story,  a unique story,  from their perspective. We are all unique,  special in our own way. I think sometimes,  trying to imagine life from others point of view. In this invite sea of multiverses,  it may seem that one being is meaningless, it has no importance. I don’t agree with that approach,  while I do believe in the infinity of multiverses, the ever expanding nature, I believe a conscious being is far more special then the amount of stars in the multiverses. A thinking mind, a creative mind is a gift.
Life is precious,  each and every type of life. From the microscopic to macroscopic level. Often people only feel for what they can see,  what they can observe.  Vegans rant about the slaughter of animals,  but what about plant life? Recent studies show that plants feel pain too. Or what about microscopic bacteria,  are they not life?
Life is strange, how it came to be,  no one is really sure.  Was is created by an omnipotent God? Or it just came into existence on its on. What conditions are necessary to transform a non living thing into living? The mind can’t even comprehend the different trillions of different living species which inhabit this blue planet. Such variety, such variations,  such diversity and yet 95% of all life that ever existed is extinct right now.
Life is a gift, ask the non living, or ones which seize to live. We call them dead. But they aren’t really gone, all the elements in their bodies are still there,  their bodies transform,  yes,  they change, yes,  but is it just a physiobiological change? Or do they lose something else too? Some people call it soul. The essence of being and awareness..
Life is unique, or is it? Is it common in the multiverses? Or are we the only lucky ones? Will someone ever come visit us from  beyond our galaxy? Our universe? I am in the middle for that question. I hope it happens but I highly doubt it. But instead of waiting for extra terrestrial life,  we should focus on making life on earth better, to erase hunger, to provide better life for human beings and animals and birds and fishes and mammals and all other types of life which bless our planet and make it special, the only known planet to have LIFE!

Dreamy Night

When his eyes opened,  he found himself in a dark forest naked. Everything was still and motionless,  closing his eyes,  he tried to remember how he got there but he had no memories to look back into.  His mind a blank slate.  The pitch black forest made it hard for him to see, he got up and slowly started to move,  not having any sense of direction he went with his instincts. The earth was damp under his paws,  far away he could see a source of light.  He was hungry,  he knew he needed to feed. He smelled something familiar,  something he recognized,  but couldn’t remember.  As he approached the source of the light,  he saw the headlights of a car and a man changing the tyres. The light of the full moon made his eyes  grow wide as he got out of the dense forest. The old man didn’t seem to notice him as he slowly came closer,  I moving carefully,  he had been here before he remembered,  he knew how to do it,  he knew what he had to do. This mad hunger took control of him as he approached the man,  he opened his jaws wide, and ‘SNAP’…
He woke suddenly in bed,  scared. He turned the lights on to make sure that he is in his home,  safe.  He hadn’t told anybody of these weird dreams he had been having ever since that one college party in the woods. People would judge him he had told himself. And they are just dreams anyway he thought. He got out of his bed and went to the kitchen,  the lights turned on as he entered it. As he pulled a chair to sit, his fridge lit up and greeted him.
“would you like a drink,  sit? “,  it asked.
“yeah,  actually I am quite thirsty”
“would like to try O negative tonight,  sir?”
“yes, I don’t think I have ever tried that one before”,  he answered.
The front lid opened to reveal a glass filled with chilled red liquid,  he grabbed it and thanked the fridge.  He put a straw in the glass and sucked, as the blood entered his mouth,  it sent a shiver throughout his body. ‘AHHHH..HUH NOO’
He got back in his feet, with laughter and mocking of his class fellows,  his clothes all muddy.  This was the third day in a row they had put a curse on him and made him do stuff against his will. But he was too scared to fight and stand up for himself or to tell his professors or anyone else. But this needed to stop.  Every time he ended up in the same place with mud on his clothes and same weird dream. He had no friend to talk to or share it with. There was a girl he liked, but he was just too shy to even talk to her and he also had no reason to believe that a girl like Lucy will ever be interested in anyone like him.  Girls like confident strong guys he had heard and he was anything but confident or strong.  He want bad on studies and he did fairly well in practical magic too. But something was missing. He didn’t know what. School yule ball was approaching and his mom had sent him a very nice dancing robe. Thus was his chance to make a move,  to ask out Lucy. He gathered whatever courage he had in him and went to ask her after their potions class. He was waiting for her to finish talking with her friends.
“I will see you guys in maths later”,  she told them and started walking towards her dorm. He ran a but to catch up with her.
“hi Lucy, I was wondering if you would be interested in going to the yule dance with me if you already don’t have a partner?”
“oh! Hi! You are?”
“oh I am so sorry,  I am Henry, we have potions and history together” you idiot,  you blew your chance for sure he thought.
“hi Henry! I actually do not have a date for yule,  so I would love to go with you”
What!? He couldn’t believe what he heard,  but he was grateful he didn’t say what he thought,  he said instead,”see you at 8pm tonight”
“alright see you later,  Henry”, she waved him bye.
He stood there trying to absorb and take it all in, he was going to the yule ball with Lucy. Oh my gods!
The next few hours flew by quick and it was 8, he had dressed in his dancing robes ready to go see the girl he had dreamed about ever since year 1 of school. As he was walking towards the main hall,  he could see Lucy waiting him at the door from far,  all he wanted to do was run to her,  but he must be patient, smiling he continued walking but his sight was cut by them. They had come again to humiliate him. He knew what was coming, he would once again end up being a laughing stock of everyone,  face down in mud.  Not this time. He felt different,  he felt something he never felt before.  Not this time he said in his mind. “not today!”, he yelled aloud to them. They made a move,  but he was ready,  he disarmed two of them but the third one got to him and knocked him to the ground,  his wand sliding his hands,  he looked at them with horror on his face,  from far he could still see Lucy waiting him, but she didn’t see him, they all surrounded him,  all three of them pointing their wands at him. “how dare you,  you pathetic little mud blood filth!”, spat one of them. ‘AVADA…. CRASH…’
He woke as he fell to the floor. “ouch”, again the same dream, There is no such as magic! he exclaimed in his head and got up to open his window. The sun was coming out and there was already traffic in the air with school busses flying the young ones to their education centres.  While the more privileged ones were being carried by their parent in a jetsuit. He folded his bed to the wall and pulled out the toilet while putting on his glasses for morning news. After being washed he took his breakfast pill and flew to work in his car.

He Lived

It was a cold starry night and he just got back to Amsterdam in train. Today he went to meet his friend in another city. He had met him through internet before but today was the first time they ever met. John took him to his home and they had second breakfast together. Then they went for cycling around the beautiful green woods and played Tolkien trivia. It was a beautiful sunny day but the clouds had started gathering.

He got off the train at central station and went to the tram stop. It was cold but he felt so much full of energy and full of confidence. He looked to his left and saw a beautiful girl also waiting for her bus. Gathering up his courage, he approached her and asked her ,”How are you doing?” The girl smiled and said,”I am fine thank you, How are you?” “Fine too”, he replied. “I came from Italy for a week”, he told her.

“Oh that’s really great. Are you enjoying it so far?”

“Yes it has been really great. There is some big party tonight that I was invited to. Do you want to come?”

“Oh I don’t really go to parties that much but thanks”, she backed away a bit.

You idiot, what was the hurry. You blew your chance. “Oh no problem. So what do..”, he started but was cut off because she had started talking to couple of guys who were standing to her right.

Feeling mixed emotions he put a smile to his face and nodded a good bye to her as she took her bus with the other two guys.  What a bitch..Nah! What an idiot who doesn’t know how to ask out a girl.

He took his tram back to his hotel. Alex and Cameron were waiting for him when he reached his room.

“Let me just change my clothes and then I am ready to go”, he told them before they could complain about him being late.

John’s mother made a traditional Holland dish for him. Mashed potatoes with sausages and vegetables. He really liked it and complimented her on her cooking. John’s room was a mess, a mess full of books. They both were huge Tolkien nerds. He convinced John to install LOTRO and he did, they made a character for him, a temporary character obviously, till John could come up with a unique elvish name. After playing some LOTRO, they took his dog out for a walk, they walked on old mounds and also tried to find the bunnies, but they never found any.

Which shirt to wear. Ah this one. Holding up his black Stone Cold t-shirt. He quickly changed into it. They decided to walk to the club. It was crowded when they arrived there. The music was loud. They got the drinks. He had never been to a club before, nor had he ever danced before. But his metamorphosis had started.He liked the sound of music, the beat, the shaking of butt, the dancing. He knew no moves but he was athletic enough to copy others. He saw a group of girls dancing and he started copying them, Soon enough they noticed him and asked him to join them.

ooo Yeah! He did.

He told them about himself and his week vacation. They were all very friendly and inviting. One girl especially got his attention. She had a certain mean girl look to her, which he loved so much in girls, and she was a blond.

“So are you single”, the words escaped his mouth before he could stop them. What the fuck is wrong with you!!

But to his surprise she did not mind the question, probably because she was drunk or maybe its a blond thing. Whatever it was, they started talking and dancing together. Music does bring people together. After sometime it became difficult for him to breath. Lets say it was because of the heat and loud music.

“I will be right back, need to smoke”, he lied. He fought his way across the jam packed dance floor and into the smoking/pool room. He got his breath back.

There is just something about Indians and Pakistanis, that no matter how you are dressed or what your hair style is, you just instantly recognize each other. So when this two Indian guys entered the room with beers in their hands, he spotted them at once and they spotted him at once. The language they spoke is called Punjabi, which I will not write here. In the common tongue this is what they said..

“Hey dude! Pakistani or Indian?”, the more stylish looking guy asked.

“Pakistani here and you guys must be from India..I came here for a week from Italy”

“Yes brother we are Indians. Welcome. Enjoying the party buddy?”

“Yeah bro its really great. Do you guys smoke?”

“Yeah, you have some?”

“Yeah, I bought it yesterday”. He took out his smoking pipe and filled it and lit it. You were allowed to smoke anything in the pool area. I took a long shot and passed it to his new friends. They took the hits. The magic pipe at once started its magic and in just 5 minutes they were all playing pool together and laughing and dancing. Talking about life and its mysteries and how their pool table was like the solar system and the balls were like planets and what would happen if we got hit by an asteroid right now. It was a merry moment.

Oh damn!! the girl!? “I should go now, it was really nice meeting you guys, peace brothers!” He rushed back into the dance room before they said their good byes. He fought his way across the dance floor back to where he was before, but the beautiful blond fairy princess was gone, and two dudes were sitting where she was. He gave himself a hard-ish slap on his head and sat down. Soon Alex and Cameron also joined him.

“Where were you, we were looking for you everywhere”, Alex said.

“Yeah just dancing and meeting people”, he said, forcing a smile on his face.

They stayed there some more and danced together before leaving for their hotel.

They finally found two empty seats. John sat in front of him. They played “speaking elvish” on his way back to Amsterdam. John had to get off because it was late and he had to return to his home taking the last train. An old guy replaced him on his seat. On his right, 3 girls were sitting. They started talking in loud voices and somehow they started talking to him.

“You look really cute, you wanna go grab a drink when we reach Amsterdam?”, one of them said.

He had a puzzled look on his face and didn’t know what to make of this invitation. But before he could say anything, the older guy sitting in front of him spoke,

“Leave this poor guy alone you three, if you want drink, go have them yourself, you hooligans”

“Thank you for that”, he told the man.”I am Ali, I came here from Italy for a week”, he gave him his hand.

“I am Thijs Berg, I direct movies”, he said, shaking his hand. They talked about what movies he made. He told him that he often comes to Italy, while the hooligans were still talking in loud voices but they ignored them. They got off at Amsterdam Centraal.”Well it was nice talking to you Mr. Thijs Berg. Good Bye”, he waved. “Likewise. Good Bye”, he walked to his taxi and he walked to his tram stop.

They reached their hotel, all exhausted and tired. He waved them bye to their room before going to his own. It was a good day today. For the first time in his life he lived. He changed into pajamas and went to bed dreaming about the beautiful blond fairy princess angel.