When the future is fogged in mist and the bridge is burnt, who do you turn to for help, who will be your savior now? You wander about mindlessly and lost, abandoned by everyone. You doubt your decisions, your choices, everything that brought you here, here at the end of world. You see the your life flash in front of your eyes, the memories, ah the memories. You pretend to have no regret but its a fasad, a defence mecchanism, a lie. You regret alot. When you look into your past you dont see yourself, atleast not the person you are now, you see some other guy, someone who is in peace and happy, whose mind isnt always racing, asking, pondering, questioning, going against the norms, no, no, you see a guy who followed his customs, his traditions, his social obligations, his religion, an activist, who used to make speeches in halls about patriotism and in mosque about purpose of life. It all seems a distant memory now. You are not what you used to be, you changed. In the beginning it was just for fun, you would start rhyming words and making poems from them, silly lines which made little to no sense, but you liked playing with words. The words made you feel special. But the words started coming to you more often, the rhymes started to make sense, you started seeing the pattern in nature, you started thinking, you started pondering, you began your search for Truth. Poems started having deeper meaning, you started questioning everything, your society, your culture, your religion. Your mind began the singing, simpler things got complicated, your goals in life got mixed up, you got messed up. Life became one big poem, you became an observer, you started playing this game, you started playing with people. You liked it, it made you feel powerful, made you different, unique in some way and you liked the feeling. You kept diving deeper and deeper in this ocean of emotions and you liked it. You wrote about it, some for other people but mostly for yourself. You started worrying about your legacy, your place in the grand scheme of things, your value to the universe. You wanted to leave something behind for people when you are gone. You started thinking of death alot. It excited you. But you couldnt just trust nature for your death, it had to be you. It would be more poetic, you thought. You finished your novels, and you connected your short stories. Connecting them became an obsession. It all had to be connected you told yourself. It all came from your mind and your mind was the connection between them. And now the canvas is complete. your work here is done. It is time, you told yourself. It is time to ascend out of this physical body with all the regrets, the bad choices, and decisions and the good memories. You put the pill in your mouth and swallowed it with a sip of water and your first chapter came to an end……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Words. Their power is undeniable. The impact that they can have on our lives, our decisions, our relationships, our day to day encounters is unmistakable. They make or break relationships, especially the fragile ones. Relationships are fragile, even the ones we think will never end and are Eternal and will go on forever. Words have the power to destroy and to create. But creating is difficult. You can spend all your life building a relationship and with some words it can end. The whole journey comes to a stop. It ends. You can try to take back your words, rethink them, apologize, but what’s broken is broken, it can never be fully mended, it will always carry the scars, the cracks. No matter how much you try to mend them, the hurt of words is a grave wound. Sometimes you can’t go back no matter how much you wish you could. People often think that the only fragile relationships are the one between a guy and a girl, a couple, boy friend and girl friend. But those are not the only kind of fragile relationships. Sometimes even the immortal friendships you have with your friends of lifetimes can end with the sword of words. And even the eternal relationships like your parents can become complicated by the mortal web of words. And you are stuck in present, this venomous poisonous weaving web, you can’t go back. Relationships become diluted, feelings hurt and egos win. You are never the same again. Becoming estranged with people who have spent your life with is not a feeling you wish even on your enemy. But there is a reason behind everything, the words uttered are not always meaningless. Sometimes they are needed, sometimes you need to speak for yourself, to defend yourself from attacks, attacks on your character, your personality, on you as a human being. When you are accused, judged, made fun of, insulted, mocked, laughed at.
Is it not right to express your anger? So what would one do in such situation? Just accept the consequences and move on, stop caring, accept estrangement, shed a tear alone, live with it? Or you keep trying to mend it, to save it, to apologize, to talk and to resolve?
I don’t know the answer but the choice is yours.